ALLOCENTRISM

MITALI’S MADNESS

Allocentrism, in its simplest form, refers to group thinking. Or rather, an individual’s personality trait in which he places the group’s thoughts or ideals over his own. We have seen this in all sectors in society and in a lot of scenarios in our daily routines, but we simply didn’t put a name on it. To give you the correct definition of allocentrism would be that it is a “collectivistic personality attribute whereby people center their attention and actions on other people rather than themselves. It is a psychological dimension which corresponds to the general cultural dimension of collectivism”.

Certain situations encourage more allocentric behavior. These are found more in some cultures than others. These situations include when people are rewarded by the social context for being group orientated, when cultural norms encourage conformity which leads to success, when goals are easier achieved through group action, and when there are not many options for acting independently.

So how do you identify people in your life who possess this trait? Well, when I read the definition, a few words popped in my mind that seemed synonymous to allocentric people. Think about the people-pleasers in your different friend groups. These people are placating and usually conform to the ideas of the group rather than stating or believing in their own point of view, or standing up for it. Can you think of any such people in your life?

See, the truth is that for any type A personality person, an allocentric friend would be a blessing in disguise. Type A’s simply do not conform and allocentric people, who often fall under Type B, are all about making others happy. But this kind of friendship is not right. Each relationship is made with equals and partners. Compromise should take place from both ends. If one person keeps giving and the other keeps taking, that isn’t a friendship! It is simply and crudely a host-parasite relationship! The reason I asked you if you know of anyone who has this personality trait is because, if you do, you need to understand them and their needs better. Till now, they have always given in for you, and if you don’t say anything yet, they will probably keep doing so. But this does not mean that they do not have a mind of their own. Their ideas must be taken into account too, and, as a friend, you can help them do this by including them in decision making processes, rather than just telling them the decision.

It often happens that we do not realise that we are being unfair to someone. For instance, let’s take a simple example of making a plan to go for an outing. There is usually one person who would take the lead and the others would vote for or against it. Maybe someone in your group has never uttered an idea and simply said yes to everything everyone suggested. The next time you make a plan and if you’re in the lead, make sure you include this person in some part of the decision making process. But ease them into it! Don’t, for instance, tell them to decide every aspect of the plan. It might overwhelm them. Maybe ask them to suggest some venue or probably the suitable time to go there or ask them to make a reservation. Something that would give them the feeling that their opinion as an individual matters as much as everyone else’s in the group. By giving them this little bit of confidence at a time, you’ll be making them stronger and surer of themselves!

This personality trait needs to be identified and addressed at a root level. If it is addressed during school years, it will facilitate a better overall personality development for the individual. We must also keep in mind that there are many situations in life where the concept of leaders and followers also keeps its stand. Think about it this way, in an ad campaign, a bad idea of the boss can be counter-acted by a last minute change due to a suggestion given late; but a war cannot be won with everyone running in different directions. Seeing where allocentrism applies and where it should be opposed is of critical importance.

“We are not supposed to all be the same, feel the same, think the same, and believe the same. The key to continued expansion of our Universe lies in diversity, not in conformity and coercion. Conventionality is the death of creation.”
― Anthon St. Maarten, Divine Living: The Essential Guide To Your True Destiny

 

 

INSOUCIANCE

VASVI’S VERDICT

The word insouciant comes from the French word ‘se soucier’ which means to care. So, after we add the negative prefix ‘in’ we can simply say that the word insouciant means not caring. Insouciance is a very important trait that helps us to define, interpret and elucidate someone’s personality. Now according to me this trait is perceived by people around the world in two ways.

They first way is that we consider this trait in the positive light where it is simply means that the person is casually carefree; the trait of having no strings attached to concerns, worries, troubles, anxieties etc. This is a good thing because with this attitude we tend to act towards what we want not considering hindrances like worries, anxieties and what not. Lack of concern does not necessarily signify lack of interest, it just means that it is not your priority and you have your eyes set for something else. Being insouciant does not mean you do not care about every aspect of your life. You can be selectively insouciant as well; where showing concern is not necessary, because sometimes if we care too much it might lead to self-destruction so we would rather not care. You can correlate it to acting nonchalantly.

     

The second way is that sometimes people perceive this trait in the negative way. This is the part where we think that possessing this trait means that we are acting rashly and without prudence. Well sometimes when we do not show concern about some factors we tend to ignore it and do not consider all the parameters and implications of our actions. So this might eventually lead to our own inconvenience as we act foolishly without taking any efforts or pain.

According to me insouciance is a very important trait and mostly a positive one if we take it casually. It is extremely important to which aspect of your life you are applying this trait to because sometimes if some part does require concern and you carelessly ignore it you end up hurting yourself. But there are times when caring can also lead to inconvenience so at that time it is better if we  stop showing concern and stay true to our insouciant character.

People generally tend to categorize this trait among youth. They also say that it is permitted for a “particular” age. But according to me people should not put any kind of age restrictions on this trait because you should be allowed to be casually care less whenever you want as long as it does not cause you any kind of inconvenience. There should not be any age criteria to deem this trait as inappropriate. This age categorization is generally done because the older generation confuse this casual and cheerful lack of concern (insouciance) with ennui or lassitude. If you are insouciant about people’s opinion,  that does not necessarily mean that you would not accept their advice or their criticism.

Being insouciant does not mean that you have a bad attitude towards life. It is completely okay to be insouciant. I perceive it as a positive trait because, we know best what is important for us and what is not. Deeming it appropriate or inappropriate for age groups is a wrong approach because if everybody understands the actual meaning of this trait and applies it positively the world would be a better place. Being insouciant is good as long as it does not change apathy. Insouciance is very important because we need to live our life as per our priorities and not caring (casually) about the stuff that is not important to us.

“If you live life for people’s acceptance you will die from their rejection.”

-Lecrae

PROTEAN PERSONALITY

MITALI’S MADNESS

 

In Greek mythology Proteus is the seer whose apparent identity is so unstable that no one knows who he is. First he poses as an old man, then a tall green tree, then a blinding fire. He is constantly changing form. This capacity for shape-shifting suits Proteus, for he is a reluctant wizard who wants to evade his clients. Because Proteus has the power to radically transmogrify his identity, no one can pin him down long enough to make him reveal the truth.

A person with a protean self may be described in many ways. These people are often called adaptable or flexible; adjusting to any change. While having a protean personality is usually a boon because people tend to like you more often, it may often be perceived that people with this personality are just “people-pleasers”. This is not true. A person with this personality trait is just generally adjustable to all situations. Doing so makes him happy- he doesn’t do it for the pleasure of others. The pleasure others gain from not having to diverge from their ideas is just an added bonus! Life is not a straight line, rather it is meant to be experienced as a collage or a roller coaster ride, and a protean person is just a “willful eclectic” drawing his power from the various sources and experiences around him.

For all of us non-conformists out there, relax! You too have been categorized! People who are the stark opposite of protean selves are called fundamentalists- this being the alter ego of a protean person! A fundamentalist, as I said earlier is a non-conformist and refuses to accept change as easily as a protean person. They’d rather that the world come to an end than their vision get changed.

These personalities are both a part of every individual. Now you must surely have thought back and tried to put your near and dear ones in these categories. You must have also thought that there are so many people who are simply too nice to have a speck of fundamentalism, or others who are so stubborn as to not having a cell in their bodies that would end up giving your idea a higher stand!

Well it’s rather simple. Any normal human being has different parts of consciousness- the conscious, unconscious and subconscious mind. These traits lie in our mind and are usually balancing each other out with the help of the Ego. In terms of psychology, the mind contains Id, Ego and Superego. Id is the stubborn child; superego is the strict parent and ego is the lenient parent who gets a compromise done between id and superego. So fundamentalist traits and protean traits are also essentially balanced out by the ego.

What are the traits you see in someone that is protean?

When we talk about this personality one trait you see in people like this is that they are versatile. They are multi-tasking and still remain effective doing their jobs. If you are a business man you will want to hire someone with this kind of personality because you will benefit from having a staff this efficient working for you. This is because a person that is has a protean personality can be very adaptable to most conditions and situations. Because they are versatile they are able to accomplish more. People with protean personality are gifted and mobile. They are reliable and efficient in their dealings. They are resourceful and always ready for challenges that might arise.

Because protean people are not dedicated to a field and gather as much information as they can about different fields, this makes them skillful and talented! In order to succeed in life, one must develop a predominant protean personality.

“Superiority of circumstances is one of the most prominent characteristics of great men”-Horace Mann

 

DEPENDABILITY

PRITHA’S PERSPECTIVE

“The greatest ability is dependability”

– Bob Jones.

When you think of the word dependability, in your mind you will come across the names of the people in your life who embody this trait. If you consider the practical side of this trait, dependable people are the ones who can be relied upon to perform their duties properly and considering the emotional aspect, they are the ones who you can count on .

Dependability is a trait that is not only built but also displayed over a long period of time of knowing a person along with consistent application. One cannot simply say that they’re dependable without showing it to be true. It takes time and every time you make a promise or fulfill the task assigned to you, this trait in you strengthens.

Dependability is a very essential trait when it comes to work as it is considered as one of the leadership traits. The best part is the more dependable you are, the more opportunities come to your way and more opportunities lead to more chances to display this trait at your role in a particular organization. You get to prove your mark as a dependable person and also as a good leader.

You don’t really need a certain number of people in your life; just the ones you can be certain of. They’re the ones who we majorly depend on. In fact, there are times when they sort things out for you even before you ask them to.

Having someone to depend upon is good..no doubts! But I also believe that too much dependence on others makes an individual weak, be it in any relation or at work. Because when that element or person goes missing, taking important independent decisions becomes difficult. Dependence is good but not beyond a certain extent. People with dependent personality traits give up the control of major areas of life to others out of fear. Life challenges can take on the dimensions of insurmountable difficulties which are apparently nearly impossible to deal with alone.

 

AMBITION

Vasvi’s Verdict

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ”

– Helen Keller

Ambition is a very common word. And it seems to be misunderstood at times. Ambition is a desire for something be it success, money, power, fame, honour, leadership etc. it varies from person to person as per their own yearning but it also requires you to be zealous. If you simply desire for something it does not make it your ambition, it stays a wish or a dream. It becomes your ambition when you actually work for it and perseverance should be the key to your ambition. Bailing out simply means that you did not want it as badly as it seemed. So, ambition comes a level above your wishes. We have a lot of wishes but they only become our ambition when they take up a significant portion of our priorities and become our sole purpose, and failures should not put you down (because in every venture of our life there will always be failures but when we rise above them, that is the point where we experience success). So sometimes doggedness will help you climb a few steps. Ambition is a really important trait any human should have because this is what gives meaning to our life.

An ambition can never be assigned to an individual because it is his/her adherence for their proclivity towards something. If that individual does not have any inclination or any motivation towards that task (or target) then it becomes very difficult for him/her to devote their time and energy and so he/she becomes intermittent. Being ambitious is basically being enthusiastic but with a purpose or target in mind. Ambition is a very important human trait; what is the point of being intelligent and talented when you don’t have any target that will lead you on a path where you can use your intelligence and talents efficiently. And even though you do not succeed that does not mean all your efforts were a waste because you learnt something; you did land somewhere rather than nowhere and if that happens then rather than sitting idle look for another purpose. This classic quote explains this idea very well :

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

― Norman Vincent Peale

And never be discouraged by what others have to say about your ambition. Yes do take some guidance and advice from the people in your inner circle who you know wish the best for you and will never let you stray on the wrong path. It is always better to stay away from people who belittle your ambition or it is even better to fervently work your way up on your path and prove them wrong. Being ambitious is something that everybody should prioritize; because your life can atrophy if you are under ambitious as you do not have anything to strive for. An ambitious person should always strive for the goal, work out a plan to pass through the setbacks and after it all ends always set up another goal.

Ambitiousness like everything has a good and a bad side. Being the good ambitious one is where you set a goal that is very important for you work for it not bothering what others say about it as long as it is not harming others and it should not be self-deteriorating as well because some times what you think is right might actually be wrong; so it is important that you have a clear analysis. The bad side is being under or over ambitious. Under ambitiousness is bad for a simple reason that is that there is no purpose. Sometimes taking a break is okay but extending the break for an indefinite time is the problem. Over ambitiousness is sometimes or actually most of the times self-deteriorating and it does hinder others as well. Everything is running smoothly until negative characteristics such as greed, intolerance, lust, ruthlessness etc are introduced that is when ambitiousness turns into over ambitiousness and leads to problems with your surroundings or close ones and sometimes to a downfall. Having an ambition is very important because striving for a purpose is what drives us, just acknowledge the good and bad associated with it and filter the negativities.

“Take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly, and try another. But by all means, try something.”

– Franklin Roosevelt

 

INDEPENDENCE

Mitali’s Madness

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.”
― Bob Marley

Independent thinking is a very essential human trait in these times where people tend to think and act in flocks. These times that have overpowered people’s minds with media or fear or shame, have left few independent thinkers in our midst. People fret over speaking their minds for the very sad yet true reason that everyone seems to judge everyone around and very few have the courage to look past that.

Any human cultural group or civilization is nothing but a group made with a few leaders and a lot of conformists. In such arduous times, we need people to speak out and share their ideas- no matter how naive or juvenile they may seem. The first place where this needs to be implemented is in schools on a primary or kindergarten level. Every child is unique- an empty canvass that is filled with various colours and somewhere in this process, they forget their own specialness; a child has a perspective that no one can understand, an understanding so innocent yet so deep that it takes people special degrees just to fathom what a child is trying to say! I feel that children need to be given confidence that any idea they want to share, however absurd, will not be shunned away. Nurturing a child’s creativity, not only through banal activities like paintings or sports but even through things like creative writing can help create many more independent thinkers than we now have.

 

Independence is a major reason for arguments in any household today. This happens for various reasons- generation gap being the major culprit. If I talk from an adolescent’s view, the level of independence an average young adult gets always seems less as compared to what they want. But, according to their parents, who were never given as much freedom as them, this seems like a colossally impossible demand. There are many other reasons also why adolescents cannot get the amount of independence they want but parents tend to become the scapegoats for this genre!

Independent thinking in the newer generations is observed through portals like blogs or articles or even other forms of art like music or dance. Everyone has a different way to express themselves and each of these ways shows the individuality of a child that has cultivated at a right age- an age where they might be able to vote or choose a career or facilitate the betterment of society. My only outlet for expressing myself is in the form of thoughts I like to pen down. I feel like it’s better to share my opinion rather than blindly agree with any other. For simple things like seeing a movie, I don’t agree with a critic on every opinion. Each person’s taste might be different. Violence for one may be an adrenaline rush for another (in a movie only, please!) and sleep inducing romance for one may be an enchanting dream for another!

Even though people feel that they think independently, everyone is actually consciously or subconsciously conforming to either their friend circle’s belief or their family’s restriction or existing misconceptions. Half knowledge is a very dangerous thing and this sort of conformity needs to go from our systems because each person has a right to live their life the way they want after completely knowing what they are getting into. I don’t deny that we have certain universally defined rules that everyone follows for the peaceful coexistence of humanity and that need to be followed, but the more localised rules, if wrong, must be questioned.

“To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”

 

 

 

INTEGRITY

 

PRITHA’S PERSPECTIVE

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.”
― Oprah Winfrey

In ethics, integrity is regarded by many people as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions. The word integrity evolved from the Latin adjective integer, meaning whole or complete. In this context, integrity is the inner sense of “wholeness” deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. In philosophical context, it can be defined as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. It is generally a personal choice to uphold oneself to consistent moral and ethical standards.

“A quiet conscience makes one strong!”
― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

There is no measure to test one’s integrity. Words don’t prove integrity, actions do. It does not matter what you do or how you do or how well you do. What matters is if it was a right thing to do. Sometimes people know about it and sometimes they don’t but that should not be a reason that stops you from doing what is right.

One of the strongest pillars of integrity is the understanding that your values are yours alone, and the insistence of them for others is self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is not a very noble or attractive quality .Therefore, if you find yourself sitting in judgment, this means that you still have work to do on yourself – and that you should turn your gaze inward, not outward because different characteristics allow people to achieve different objectives in different circumstances. Learning and accepting diversity and differences is better than insisting that your way of life is superior which indirectly implies that you might be questioning someone else’s integrity.

“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.”
― Frederick Douglass

TOLERANCE

Vasvi’s Verdict : 

What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature.

                                                                                                                                           – Voltaire

In today’s world a lot of issues have occurred because of the lack of such a simple trait as tolerance. Nowadays the word intolerance has become more common than the word tolerance. I agree that times change and that things do change with time; even in the past things had not been exemplary. There had been complications because of the differences created by intolerance. The world was never perfect the moment we realised one emotion of love we simultaneously did realise another emotion of jealousy or envy; but that does not mean that we let the dark parts of anything consume us. I know it’s clique but it is never too late….the world has never been perfect but that does not mean we give up on striving for the happy times. Perfection does not mean that everyone should be the same; our entire existence will lose its allure, diversity is a good thing not bad. The bad thing is creating barriers; rather we should be tolerant about each other’s opinions, beliefs, ideologies etc. and coexist. Perfection is when tolerance and harmony brings down the barriers between the diversities.

The key is just being autonomous and respecting others because melange is a positive thing it does not define superiority or inferiority, or right or wrong. We humans who call ourselves the rational beings should understand that this is the best thing about our existence because the rational thing is to be tolerant and find joy in coexisting. Tolerance can only be achieved when we come to a realization that nobody is perfect even ourselves and thus accepting everyone as they are; to thrive. We hear a lot about intolerance these days, why not bring about a positive change and hear more about how tolerance changed lives for the good rather than how intolerance destroyed lives and relationships. Tolerance in simple words is respect for diversity.

A tolerant man accepts social alterity without raising his eyebrows. In this modern world where individualism is an important thing; we all have our individual value system. And this value system should always contain the idea about tolerance because we all live together and as humans our most important quality is humanity and being tolerant is a huge part of it. A person is tolerant if he/she attaches symbolic value not only to his/her own characteristics but also to those that he/she does not have – but others have. This is respecting each other’s point of view.

Being tolerant also does not mean to be tolerant to someone’s inhumane or rude behavior. Here the word tolerance refers to an understanding where we recognize and honour diversity, it is accepting everyone as they are. Tolerance never means putting up with the bad things going around you in the society. Here, tolerance is being referred to as a generic term. It teaches you how to respect diversity and coexist happily; and is a virtue; but it does not mean to be suppressed by just tolerating the wrong doings (because everybody has a right to take a stand for their own rights). The context of the word tolerance used here was mainly referring to accepting diversities and coexisting happily with different cultures and opinions.

The human family is very diverse, with many different beliefs and cultures and ways of life. Many conflicts in our world are caused when people are intolerant of the ways that others see the world. Learning tolerance is an important cornerstone to creating a better world.

 – Robert Alan Silverstein

PRIDE

Mitali’s Madness

“Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.” –Carl Jung

Pride is a subjective term that has unfortunately tipped to the negative side of the fence. Pride essentially means self satisfaction. So, you can see why it could tip to the wrong side! When someone says they are proud of us, we beam with happiness but when it is said that we are ‘proud’, as a trait, that seems to hurt, doesn’t it?

More on the negatives later. Let’s start with the positive side of Pride! Pride can be experienced for a lot of things. Some of these include Pride for family, for a job or for one’s nation. When this pride is internalised then it takes the form of Hubris or narcissism. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.

One of the best examples of this is Pride for family.  There is no greater and purer pride felt than the pride that a child feels towards his parents or one that a parent feels when he sees his child accomplishing new highs in life. The family is the reflection of the person’s life. A family where the relations between the members are positive, a family that leads to the person’s self-perfection is a true subject of being proud. Children are not just family members but also the continuance of the parents. Our country being our motherland, the pride felt for one’s country is another strong emotion. Our parents give us our identity, but our country is the one that assures them of a sense of security, making them the individuals that we look up to. The last one I want to talk about is the love for one’s job. A job is more than just a means to earn your livelihood. People spend as much time of their day at work as they do at home. Loving your job is essential for a happy life. If you don’t take pride in your work, neither can you succeed nor can your company. A proud employee is a loyal one!

Coming to the negative aspect of pride, people who take pride in everything they do are often called vain rather than virtuous. Having true virtues also means having the capacity to not be overwhelmed by them.

“All Is Vanity” by C.Allan Gilbert evoking the inevitable decay of beauty and life towards death

A lot of proud people forget that. Most of the people who are termed as vain or proud honestly do have virtues they can boast about. They may have amazing looks or may be intelligent and consequently rich too, but they tend to look at these virtues so much that they seem to think of others as lesser than them for not possessing what they do. No human being is perfect but a lot of them are certainly under the illusion that they are! Everyone needs to remember that others will possess some talents that you don’t. Sure, you may look good or make a ton of money but there is someone out there who has better eyes than you or maybe makes a few bucks more. Never be too proud of materialistic things. They tend to be perishable by nature. If you want to take pride, take pride in your relations with others and cherish those because even if you lose your most proud possession, your loved ones will come stand by your side when no others will.

 

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

HUMILITY

Pritha’s Perspective

 

“Gratitude and Humility are the subtle differences between confidence and arrogance.”

In an age where social media runs rampant with humblebrags and constant sarcasm, humility grows scarcer every day. While this trait may not appear to have any face value, it holds significant implications for your personal achievements, your team building and relationships, and a more realistic projection of the future. Every one of us is bestowed with virtues as well as flaws.

Humility is a trait which means accepting other’s flaws and not boasting of what you are. Embracing humility, and being humble, doesn’t mean never talking about your achievements and accomplishments. But at times, people end up looking down on others. Humility does not make you weak; it indeed gives you the power to appreciate yourself as well as others. Winning does not always define your effort and losing does not imply failure. You should not suppress others and feel superior. Successful or not, if you have faith and are content and humble of what you are, u might enrich and enjoy your own life and maybe even please some strangers! Nobody is asking you to join some NGO or do charity work everyday- (most of the people mistake humility as charity ) But  all you can do is be thankful and try making others happy! Ever tried saying thank you to the liftman or the sweeper or the maid at home? Ever genuinely complimented someone ? It won’t really take away much from you but will surely make someone’s day!